Acamea Deadwiler

Writer. Dreamer. Professional Creative.

Archive for the category “Articles”

For Phenomenal Women to Whom Nothing Comes Easy

Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

Sometimes, as women, we feel the need to be stronger than most. We feel like we have to take less crap to be taken seriously. We strive to be near perfect, well put-together, and at the top of our game in all aspects of life.

A large part of the reasoning behind such an idea is in response to a societal structure that has historically regarded women as a subservient species here for the pleasure of men. We’re to be quiet and look pretty, but not TOO pretty. Our place is presented as wherever the cooking and rearing of children are being done. Sure, we can take up hobbies and work a bit, but it is never to take precedence over our predetermined womanly duties. That’s the system into which we have been placed.

However, some of us choose to rebel. 

We refuse to conform to someone else’s idea of who we should be, and scoff at diminishing philosophies. We have this light, you see, and we know it. Thus, we must let it shine. The purpose that is within us must be fulfilled. Our potential is limitless, and the greatness to which we aspire knows no bounds.

So, we hold ourselves to higher standards than those deemed simply acceptable or even expected. We demand more both for and from ourselves. Discipline and self-sufficiency are cultivated to a level that serves our ambitions. Though we are all a continuous work in progress, in romantic relationships we want a partner, not a full-on project. Support is desired over co-dependency.

Elevated targets are less often and easily met. As a result, this purposeful journey can be one that is rough on occasion, and even lonely. It can feel as though everything is a struggle to obtain and a fight to endure. This leads to us sometimes wondering, “is it me?” Am I asking for too much? We evaluate our principles as they relate to others, life, and ourselves – deep down already knowing the answer. Our requests aren’t unreasonable. They are, however, less common. Some may unfairly associate this element with more complicated.

It feels like a raw deal. We’re seeking only what we are willing to give, and desire no more than we’ve worked (damn hard) to achieve. Yet, our efforts and patience often seem futile as things seldom unfold in our favor. Whether true or perceived, others appear to make their way through life with much less resistance.

Maybe you’ve been given this life because you are strong enough to lead it, phenomenal woman. Because you are so phenomenal, not to be confused with perfect, as well as driven, passionate, and strong – you’re built to overcome.

Perhaps, the more extraordinary you are, the more challenging the journey. You either require the ‘more’ that you seek, or inevitably settle for less. You sometimes wish that you could be more content and agreeable. It would certainly make things less exhausting. But the easier life is not always the most fulfilled. 

I know, the road gets long and the soul gets weary. Rest, and then pull yourself back up with the knowledge that the world needs you. Little girls dreaming of becoming something greater than what they’ve seen, need to see you. You don’t owe them anything. You do owe you, however. You owe it to yourself to reach your potential and live a life that you are proud of.

Some of us are fine existing within the system, and that’s alright too. For the woman who may not consider herself especially aspirational, for whom it is enough to excel in the roles of mother and partner, your path does not lose significance. Because you want different does not make you any less remarkable, or worthy of that which you seek. The whole point, above all things, is to be who you choose to be – Phenomenally.

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Joy as a Form of Resistance

We don’t have to suffer to take a stand.

In our efforts to avoid yielding to unfair or undesirable treatment and circumstances, we often resort to combativeness. We refuse to engage people, places and things that may actually be enjoyable in order to prove a point. We’re adamant about showing our disdain. The irony is, we often end up hurting no one but ourselves. There is nothing that those who seek to do us harm and hurt our feelings would love more than to see us upset.

Dear Chronic Perfectionist

black board bright bullseye

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It is a pet peeve of mine when someone tries to use the idea of not being perfect as an excuse for questionable behavior and decisions. Human fallacy does not absolve us of accountability. There is a huge difference between errors in judgment and willful shenanigans. The latter of which is undeserving of imperfection as a cop-out.

That being said, YOU ARE NOT PERFECT. Neither am I. Neither is anyone, and that’s ok.

Because we will, inevitably, fall short sometimes. Being in a place where we cannot tolerate this will leave us feeling as though we are not good enough. We will take even the slightest lapse of character, skill or behavior as an indictment on who we are as a person — due to the fact that we are not allowing ourselves the space, and more importantly the grace to be human.

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How to Actually Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions

Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash

New Year’s resolutions have gotten a bad rep. We’ve started to deem them silly and pointless as we can make any desired changes at any time that we choose. There is no need to wait for a new year, which is really just another day on the calendar.

But, a new year naturally brings with it optimism. It is the proverbial page-turner for our lives — A fresh start. It gives us a specific moment we can pinpoint to kind of wash away all that happened prior and begin again. Does it really change anything? No. But half the battle of achievement and transformation is mental. So, if seeing a new year as a blank slate helps us get going and have some hope for the future, so be it. Take advantage of that.

Our resolutions for a new year only seem futile when we never follow through. If we’re constantly making and then breaking them, of course they will appear frivolous and no one will take them seriously. Not even us. So, if we set our intentions for the new year, it’s important that we do so in a manner that puts us in a position to succeed. If not, then there really is no point. We’ll only further frustrate and discourage ourselves.

Make New Year’s resolutions tangible — something you can actually see and for which you can measure progress. Ambiguous goals like … Continue Reading on


For Those Who Stand in the Rain Because You Don’t Trust the Sun


We believe pain and sadness without a second thought. When we’re hurting, we don’t question if it’s real. When someone does something to upset us, we don’t usually wait and see before allowing ourselves to feel that emotion.

Yet, when something good happens — when something is done to make us smile or bring us joy, we’re skeptical. We question the motive and wonder if it will last. We may allow ourselves to feel brief moments of joy or gratitude, but we’re often then waiting for the other shoe to drop. We move on to looking for the bad that we feel is sure to follow.

Under the guise of being realistic, we question everything positive that happens in our lives. We can meet a genuinely good, kind person of admirable integrity, and we’ll spend time searching for what’s wrong with them. We don’t believe it. We call them ‘too good to be true.’ And sometimes they are. That saying exists for a reason. But, sometimes they’re not. We engage in self-sabotage and block our own blessings out of an inability to simply accept them.

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Stop Settling for Less in Life

By Charles Deluvio on Unsplash

Even the longest life is far too short to not live fully. We have this one shot to make it good, yet frequently accept much less than we’ve envisioned. We go to a car dealership having decided that we want a black convertible, but leave with a green station wagon. We head into a job interview knowing that we have the experience and skillset to request a $100K annual salary, yet we sign an offer for $50,000 a year. Claiming that we want a fulfilling, healthy, romantic relationship, we continue to make questionable dating decisions and find ourselves with people that stress us out, hurt us, and offer very little of what we look for in a partner.

Why do we settle for significantly less than we desire in any aspect of our lives? Continue reading on

Being Comfortable Being You

By Lidya Nada on Unsplash

I remember intentionally flunking an eye exam when I was a kid. My mother took my brother and me to the optometrist for a routine eye test and I had decided that I was not going to pass it this time. Why? Because I wanted to wear glasses.

So, when the doctor sat me behind whatever that massive machine is called that’s connected to what appears to be an intricate set of binoculars, I faked it. … Continue reading on

Get Wins or Die Trying: Michael Jordan at 50

The Chicago Bulls have finally moved past the Michael Jordan era. It may have taken a while, but the team, with head coach Tom Thibodeau and superstar Derrick Rose, has managed to create a separate identity and step out of the immense shadow cast by the greatness of Jordan. Still, no one who was around to witness the game of basketball during this time period can think of the Bulls without thinking of MJ. He was, and is, incomparable. LeBron James, Kobe Bryant and Kevin Durant are all phenomenal NBA athletes but not even they have reached… Continue reading at Yahoo! Sports.

The Takeover: Is Jay-Z qualified to be an NBA mainstay?

Jay-Z has never picked up a basketball, professionally at least. He has never coached a team, or drawn up a play and probably has no idea what it is like to have the ball in your hands with two seconds left in a tie game. Yet, the hip-hop icon has become very closely associated with the NBA.

Jay has been a court-side fixture for quite some time at various high profile NBA contests; even before he became part-owner of the now Brooklyn Nets. And he is not one of those inactive owners that just sits back and collects a check. Despite actually owning only .067 percent of the Nets, Jay-Z has been intricately involved with everything from the team’s exodus out of New Jersey, to the designing of new uniforms. That percentage is obviously not indicative of his influence.

Now, with it recently being announced that he will be executive producer of the NBA 2K13 video game, Hov has delved even further into the NBA world. Into something not even directly affiliated with the league itself. With this assignment he takes on a an obscure role, far outside the realm of your typical entertainer. Really, can anyone name the last two executive producers of the NBA 2K series? Anyone?

The fact that Jay-Z is even affiliated with this project gives it an even greater buzz, and added validity. Surely some will question if he is suitable for such a task. Take this guy for instance, who apparently feels that the lyricist should not be anywhere near the Brooklyn Nets; and that his image is actually detrimental to the team and the league itself.

It is a fair question. Is Jay-Z qualified to be in these coveted positions and given so much control? Maybe not. But Shawn Carter, the hustler who created Jay-Z most certainly is. The creative mastermind who has written countless classic songs, helped to successfully launch a record label, clothing line, fragrance and nightclub chain is more than capable of performing in his new roles. Mr. Carter, with a net worth of about $460 million has a pedigree which can not be questioned.

He is a business man, a mighty fine one. The fact that he has made such a mark in the NBA is proof of this. Because, while notoriety will get you through the door, it won’t keep you in the room. Not only has Jay remained in the room, but he now has his feet on the couch.

Despite what all of us die-hard, loyal fans like to believe, every professional sports league is a business above all else; the NBA included. This is an arena which Shawn Carter knows very well. And while you’re sitting there contemplating whether or not this is true, he’s probably making plans to dominate your industry.

Break’s over. —

Sylvia Fowles: Humble in victory, gracious in defeat

I first encountered Sylvia Fowles, face of the WNBA Chicago Sky, roughly one year ago. An individual in her circle was kind enough to hook me up with tickets to a home game, since this was before I began covering the team, and asked if I would like to meet her afterwards.

I really didn’t know what to expect. I had seen Fowles play on several different occasions and my impression of her was based solely on these experiences. Anyone that has witnessed her in action will tell you that in between those white lines, “Big Syl” is a beast. Strictly business. No jokes, no smiles, no nonsense. To top things off, the Sky lost the game on this particular night and were struggling on the season as a whole. Naturally, I assumed she may be a little irritable, or at least somber.

My assumption couldn’t have been further from the truth as Fowles emerged from the locker room cheesing; happy to see her friends, which included a small child that had been ill and her mother. Once introduced, there were no polite handshakes and methodical “hellos”. Fowles gave hugs to everyone in the room, talked some trash and cracked some jokes. I remember thinking, “This is the warmest, most approachable athlete I have ever met.” And to date, this remains true.

Now, one year later, I ask Fowles whether or not she recalls this meeting. I really didn’t expect her to, because surely she has been introduced to a plethora of random individuals since then. Smiling, she reluctantly replied, “No, I don’t. Sorry.” I tell her that it’s nice to see her again, regardless. “Nice to see you again as well.”

Fowles has endured a great deal during her year three-year tenure with the Sky. From season-shortening injuries, to coaching and personnel changes, to the monkey on the back of the franchise that is having never made the post-season; the road has been far from easy. Yet, here she is, still rolling.

Now healthy, and with reputable coach Pokey Chatman running the show, the team not coincidentally finds itself sustaining a record around .500, in position to make the playoffs. And Fowles finds herself a legitimate MVP candidate, leading the league with 20 PPG half-way through the season. Despite this accomplishment, she made the all-star team, but was not voted to start.

When asked if that will put a little chip on her shoulder, “I hope”, was coach Chatman’s response. “But, you know, she (Fowles) has enough things to have a chip on her shoulder (about). I think they understand what the all-star game represents. It’s for the fans. (There are) other things to lean on. Sylvia has a gold medal, and all that good stuff. So, she understands the process of things.”

In addition to leading the WNBA in scoring, Fowles is third in rebounds per game with 9.9 and first in blocks, averaging 2.6 per contest. Hence, the Most Valuable Player rumblings; as she is obviously playing very well.

“I’ll give myself that. I think I’m playing very well this season”, said Fowles. “But a lot of credit has to go to me just being healthy, and then my teammates. I try not to get involved in that (MVP talk), but to let you all know, I do hear it and I am aware of it.” (laughs)

Win or lose, you can often catch the center hi-fiving her adoring fans after the game. And although visibly frustrated at times, she still manages to carry herself with an infectious sincerity and welcoming persona. A genuineness that is rare among professional athletes. Once you have met Sylvia Fowles, you can never root against her. Once you have seen her play, you’d be foolish to count her out.

As Fowles goes, so do the Chicago Sky. Assuming that the team continues or improves upon its current pace, and makes the WNBA Playoffs for the first time, one would be hard pressed to find a player more deserving of MVP honors. If the award considers who may be the most valuable person to her team, there should be little doubt that Fowles fits the criteria. If we are going to base the award exclusively on basketball skills and impact, there should be even less. —

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